Missy Jubilee. 064 White Grrl Niggrr

It's been a moment. Or six months. Whichever is longer

Script

Missy Jubilee is a White Grrl Niggrr who uses R's excessively

Who knows why

Intro

This is the sequel to 'Dick'

For six months after 'Dick', I went to war with myself
and a very toxic element resided within & without

This enigmatic & chromatic episode
documents my awareness
of what re-living a past pivotal trauma
on a recurring basis sounded & felt like inside my head. 

It is a monochrome study of 

Anger. In Motion. Louder Than Words. Swinging between inertia & escape

The words are captured 4am realisations

re-purposed as a non-linear slam rap
to speak about
important abstract awarenesses-

That I can't. Or won't

Awareness never comes until it's too late

Start film

Start music

I can't be touched   
I can't feel anything
I can't move       
It has me rocked   
But I am strong   

Maybe not

When will this White Grrl Niggrr learn?

I came to make art     
I came to resolve a life
I came to get it re-started
I came to get it right

Don't turn down my fears  
Turn up my mic
When will this White Grrl Niggrr speak?

I can't speak what I mean
I try to hustle & grind
And I get in
my own way
when I pimp my past
        
But I ain't going back     
to who I was

So you can call a judge
cause I ain't gonna budge

Because tomorrow never comes until it's too late

You could be sitting taking lunch.
The news will hit you like a punch.
And it's only Tuesday

I see my fear finally
Not knowing

You don't believe me?

Do I want to be touched?
Can the spiraling be stopped?
Can I move forward?
Can I stop being rocked?    
Maybe not

When will this White Grrl Niggrr know?

I came to see my original incarnation  
I came to re-solve me        
I came to do me right

When will this White Grrl Niggrr not be wrong?

Open your heart
and look what I got for you.
All these faults that are not in the presence of greatness

I pass the message to you.
You block it - but I'll run with it.
I'm here for the making amends game

Now
I can't move
I can't create
I can't be

Yo, repeating life pattern, you wanna go at it? 
Holla back, my pattern Niggrr
Let's go to war motherfuckrr

Silence never comes until it's too late
For better? For worse?

For nothing at all

I can't find you

I can't holla back Niggrr

Because my fears
Can't be stopped     
Can't be moved      
Can't be rocked        
Can't be shook           
They are white hot

When will this White Grrl Niggrr see?

Tomorrow is another day

Today can't be another    
Escalation     
Separation       
Situation          
Dissipation             
Violation                
Conflagration

When will this White Grrl Niggrr understand?

Why am I fierce like a lion
when I got nothing but proof?

Without truth in my corner
this White Grrl Niggrr would lose herself

Deconstructing
this White Grrl Niggrr down
is what I needed
to do

Me and my sexual past,
you never thought we'd go to war,       
after all the things we saw

Now you make me act      
like a hot damn fool

But you will not win
cause I will not lose myself      
again

You feel the fear all around?

It's Tuesday

Is it my birthday?

Your screws are loose

Don't call my hand

You hot damn fool
You will not win
cause I will not
give up

I can be touched
I will not be toxic   
My fears will be overcome...

when this White Grrl Niggrr learns
1. Starting over without anger   
2. The concept of grace    
3. The importance of kindness

That is when
this White Grrl Niggrr will be 

Free


My father passed on 9th May 2017
It was a Tuesday
Tuesday never comes until it's too late

Make art. Not evidence


Outro


Is it worth it?

This grueling filmic journey to enlightenment
This unconventional endurance test exploring sexual identity

Is it worth it? 

Every question, action & motivation in life
seems to simplify down to those four small words

Is it worth it? 

So is it?


I was here

But now I am glad that someone
with the ability to get back in the game of life
finally has the reins

A spirited response to a contrary confession

Missy Jubilee
3rd July 2017